Chapstick and dreams

I had a dream last night. It was pretty vivid. I was a vice-presidential candidate. I don't know how I got picked, but I did. I was going to see a movie, but to get there I had to climb a steep cliff. There were a bunch of people there cheering me on my way. I guess because, hey, I'm running for vice-president and that makes me kind of a big deal. I would think someone would have sent a car for me, but I guess not. I was climbing with my wife, who was Marilyn Quayle. So I guess I was Dan, but I'm just getting that by context. It was never fully explained to me.

I don't remember if I was wearing pants or not. If it was a typical dream of mine, I would not have been. I've had a lot of dreams where about halfway through I find out I'm not wearing pants. That really should be one of the first things I would notice, but whatever.

All-in-all, kind of a fun dream.

That was the start of my day. I had another interesting event. I was in a Sunday School class, not paying real close attention. I was more focused on my chapstick. Or if you are high society, "lip balm". I have several Hershey's chocolate chapsticks. I love them. For some reason I put my lips on a piece of paper. (I'm not sure why I did that, but seriously, it wasn't as weird a thing as it might sound like.) It left a bright red lip mark on the paper. I thought I really need to check myself out in a mirror as soon as this class is over. I might look hideous, but nobody has said anything yet. So maybe I'm OK. Also, a quick check, and yes, I am wearing pants, so everything is cool.

OK, what I really was going to talk about was, I noticed on the chapstick label, "Directions for Safe Use". Oh yes, I am quite serious. Not only that, there were eight items on their list. Here we go.

1. Apply smoothly and evenly to lips.
2. Not to be eaten.
3. Avoid eye area.
4. For external use only.
5. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occurs.
6. Consult your physician if irritation persists.
7. For ages 8 and up.
8. Parental supervision is advised. 

I had no idea. Chapstick use is much more dangerous than I ever would have thought. Supply your own jokes for these. They just write themselves.