Drug Czar

I'm reading a book about prohibition. It's very interesting. I've always wondered how that even happened in the first place. As much as America seems to love alcohol, how did they get enough votes to outlaw it? On a related note, whatever became of Drug Czars. Presidents used to appoint them to oversee the illegal drug problem. They don't seem to exist anymore, or at least I don't hear about them. I think I would make an excellent drug czar. I've got some great ideas that I would put into place. Here they are.

I would start with making all drugs legal. If you want to sit at home and take drugs and not bother anyone else, that is fine. However, you don't get to inconvenience anyone else with your drug use. The following guidelines would be in place:

1. Insurance doesn't pay for anything. If at some point you want to get off drugs, do it on your own or find the money to pay a counselor to help you.

2. Not only does insurance not pay, for that matter, if you end up in the emergency room from an overdose, you are always last in line. Anyone that comes in gets treated before you. You get treated only if everyone else has been seen.

3. If you commit a crime because of drugs, the penalties double. "I got in a fight, but its not my fault because I was high." Oh no, that "excuse" doesn't work anymore. If a non-high person would have gotten a week in jail and a $500 fine, druggie gets two weeks in jail and a $1,000 fine.

All great ideas, right? So its a fair trade. The man won't hassle you anymore, hippie. Take all the drugs you want. Just don't let that influence any of our lives.

Here is another idea. Undercover police pretending to sell what looks like cocaine, but is actually something like itching powder. Flood the market with that. Imagine the hilarity of when they realize they spent hundreds of dollars for a really bad time. That might curtail the demand.

As you can tell, I've put some serious thought into this. President Obama, feel free to call me if you're looking for a czar.